I intend to do some blogging about various social topics. Discimination, gay-rights, Islam, evolution, religion, etc. will be among the topics. Some in Dutch, some in English. First, i will tell a bit about myself, since i believe i owe this to a reader. It is hard to judge or value something written by a person you do not know. So perhaps with some info about me, you might better appreciate what i am trying to convey in a text, and why. I hope you enjoy the blogs.
Me.
This text is for one reason only: to help a reader interpret my blogs. To know where i am comming from.
Biometrics: I am a dutch male, aged 35, 1.92 metres in height.
Interests: social psychology, sociology, amateur philosophy, and scientific understanding in general.
Education: some psychology, physics.
Relationship & Social status: social reffugee
Favourite channel: BBC, otherwise, i don't watch tv. They have good documentaries, i believe.
Blog motivation: my motivation for this blog comes from my psychological makeup and my beliefs, as explained in some detail below. Summarized: i am fascinated by anything that moves, on a social level. I want to know how it ticks. Next to this, i get a feeling of pride and joy if i make a contribution to a discussion in a certain field, or if i can chance someones point of view (educate). So, the old 'look at me i am smart and awesome' motivation. Commonly disguised as on the internet as 'interest in a subject'.
Blog title: i have written alot of texts, and thought alot of thoughts about various subjects. Ultimately, i have the lofty goal to provide a basis, a foundation if you will, to my readers, from which to view mankind. Ofcourse many fields of science and many authors of philosophy will offer you this (if you have the time of serveral lifetimes to study them). But perhaps a few interesting texts might persuade the otherwise disengaged person to alter his stance from that of a mere actor to an observer. To view actions of others and societies in a different light, to have an awareness of logic behind behavior, and come to constructive action instead of a reaction.
Psychology: I have always been a loner. Not the loner type that stands apart from everybody else in a crowd, but the loner type that at first sight looks and talks like everybody else. From afar, i fit in. However, after sometime you might wonder why i reveal so little about myself. I will give you a sob story, like so many others.
I have not had a happy childhood, but rather a mixed one. I was instilled with a strong sense of worthlessness and incompetence by those around me. They were perfectionists and i did not measure up. Ofcourse there was love, and there were alot of normal moments too. I don't blame anyone anymore, it's rather pointless. What stays with me, is that i never won. I resisted, at times, but was always beaten. It leaves you accepting, knowing, they were right.
I have always tried to hide these would be characteristics from the world. I thought that if people would break past the exterior shell of 'just some guy' they would find out there is nothing of worth at all behind the scenes. A fear of exposure was the result, among fear of failure and depression. Proneness to depression is also a family trait, on my mothers side.
At school, i always tried to evade intimate social situations. Because of my fears, my mind often started racing about what would happen, given that a certain social event was looming. My mind conjured up entire scenarions of what would happen, with all the actors and scenes. This led to an ability i call 'generator' akin to a software engine that generates entire game worlds from sets of data. I have no idea if this kind of imagination is present in others and to what degree, but since we are all social creatures with social anxieties, i imagine it would be.
Gradually i began to use this ability on other things than my own fears. People, politics, history etc. From my fears, my social status, and through experiencing generating about psychological problems, people, etc. i developed an interest in social and psychological themes.
Also i became convinced of another root cause for my social status: people generally are the same, and not like me. Ofcourse such a statement is highly egotistic and i do share alot of characteristics with any given person. This conviction enhanced my desire to understand this social universe.
A small example: I see people do all the same things, like the same things, behave the same way, all the time. You have friends and outings as a teenager, a sports, science or music interest, you have a few relationships, grow up and go to university, meet 'the one', get a job, get married, have kids and a car... Everybody goes to the gym/sports once or twice a week, talks in the same manner about toughing it out during hard exercise, which they find necessary and rewarding. Everybody goes out once or twice a week, with the friends, first to dancehalls, later to smaller ventures, etc. Everyone has their favourite bands, clothes etc. We all use facebook, talk about hashtags, and apping.
When i look at people i see is the following. And endless but repetitive combination of known elements. One person might be the excercise person, always talking about it. The other might be the layed back person, promoting his or her lack of exercise as a virtue by choice. To me, i see 'social element no. 61.b:Exercise' with behavioral variables 'promotor' / 'demotor' prominent in personality types x36(pro) and x437(con). Ofcourse the 61.b is not a real designation, just to give you an idea.
To me, it leaves me with a feeling of being helplessly alone. I see all these people, and their entire existence is known to me. It already happened, it is pointless. I live in a world that has happened. The motions are made. Ofcourse, for them, this is not the case. And being able to generate scenarios in your mind, does not make you accurate - or better. But for myself, i can not imagine ever doing most of these standard things people seem so happy to do. It already happened, it seems so pointless. So i ofter wonder about human existence, my existence, and practice and love philosophy about any subject. Ofcourse, humans are social creatures, human behavior is social, and by that very nature, predictable and repetitive. There is no escape, except in sciencefiction movies :).
Given how i see the world, do note that i pass no judgement. It is not an arrogant self affirming stance, it is a factual one, or so i believe. I know the people around me are mostly happy, doing what they do, believing what they believe, feeling what they feel. It is good. I am fine with that. I respect them, i respect what they value, i know where they are comming from. But people being people, always have problems accepting individuals who do not conform to group behavior. It is an automated behavior. I am willing to accept people for whom they are, but i fear the opposite will never be true. Furtermore, i have little to talk about with most people, since 99% of their concerns and interest are simply boring to me. Again, no offense. But what a person did with his mountainbike the day before, a long and hardy ride, does not interest me. Ofcourse most people would not be either, but not in quite the same manner. People all like to share and listen to their similar mildly interesting stories, give and expect an interested response. For me, i do not have those stories. I don't want to listen to them. When i bring up a philosophical point, peoples eyes often glaze over. No one wants to talk philosophy on a working day. That, is not so strange. For me, it is all i can talk about, and want to talk about. So i hide, and pretend to be you.
The summary is that I am a person controlled by fear and depression. I see people as actors in a movie, acting out a predicatable script, seemingly happily doing so, and with few actors i can connect with outside of theater. I have a strong desire to understand any social phenomenon.
Sidenote: Happiness to me seems the greater good, the ultimate state of existence anyone can achieve. For if you are feeling happy, what good are the concerns of the world, the needs of scientific exploration, the (American) need to be better that others, the socially acceptable ways of life, the laws of any religion? At best, they have no impact on your happiness. Adjecent believe: if you are happy living a normal life, surrounded by everyday people, then never question whether you should be more or change your mind about anything (given no harm is done, a happy nazi should still be interned). Who is to judge? Certainly not me.
Peculiarities: I often think in English. At school, i was particulary bad at languages. My English teacher often shook his head. To correct this, i started having conversations with myself in English. The result after several years was a tendency to think in English. This is no joke. Often, in Dutch conversations, i can not express myself fully, without resorting to English.
My handwriting is terrible. At preschool, in the 80's, teachers still believed left or right handed writing was a choice, and right would be best. They forced me for years to write with my right hand. So yes, i do love keyboards.
